Tuesday, March 25, 2008

One Space, many paths

I woke up at 3am today. No, I am no longer jet-lagged, but cringing in fear of what is it in my future. I pondered: One space- one person, one soul, one family; Many paths- two kids, several options, many aspirations.

One God.

Dear God, as I sit staring at the screen, wondering if by chance of a divine intervention, I could see clearly a sign that indicates my future for next year. This evening Chitra asked if I would consider staying on to helm Pri/Sec PW. The possibility of having the space to "fill the gaps" for PW Pri/Sec just suddenly clicked. I know after what I have done for the mime, that I needed this "space" for me to innovate. Wasn't this why I stayed on in the system- to put PW in its rightful space in the curriculum? Yet what is holding me back? OPtions and opportunities are aplenty. DCPD suggested SST, yet the "outside world" is increasingly becoming a stronger lure (though the PB in MOE is also a factor that I really ought not to forget). Wondering aloud, what in the past year have I not gained the job satisfaction I so desire? Was it simply just the constraints of the PreU PW, the ambiguous nature of PW in Sec/Pri schools, or too much an open playing field that no one is really playing a proper game on the field? Or could it be that I was happily 'distracted' with the work IDM taskforce, or business development team of DE, or SWAT, or Innolab, or even TLLM ignite?

Two weeks back, exactly this hour- Wed 8pm in Copenhagen, you led DCPD to clearly identify for me over dinner that my heart is still that of an educator. I know that this was not of coincidence, but the works of your hands. TO hear from a woman that I have so much respect means a great deal to me. At least, I was clear that in education, this is where I am "truly free"- sincerely passionate, and highly innovative. My HQ stint has allowed me to appreciate the system- that more could be done to increase the competencies and capacities of teachers, to strengthen the "thinning" of school leaders especially on curriculum instructions, to add colour and diversity to the education landscape.

Yet God, you know the dilemma that I am struggling within. That I would like to have more focussed time to spend with the two kids. I want to nurture my own kids to be individuals who are well grounded in values, having the space to be creative and adventurous, to experience the beauty of this world beyond the confinements of a 5room HDB flat or a early childhood education trapped within 4 walls. I wish I have the ability (and support) to bring the kids to travel around. To see what is truly nature, to hear what the grass says, to talk to people of different skin colours, to have to learn what it means to be really poor.

Show me the way Lord.

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